Passages from my past...

Passages from my past which I am ready to share. Written a long time ago, and are very personal But now that that chapter has been shut tight, they can now be revealed.

Silently, a breeze blows over the meadow,
Unseen and relentless, it caresses the leaves on the sycamore,
Then the mighty wind brings the storm in tow,
Ready to pour its precious life, onto the barren earth.

The great tree with the rustling leaves,
Unyielding to the approaching storm,
Proudly displaying its grand demeanour,
With the symphony of nature, its leaves perform.

Love is like the tree,
Steadfast and sure,
Always there, as a pillar of strength,

...

Love is like the wind…
Invisible, but I know its there.
Bringing the storm, my tears may drop,
But life it gives, for truth it drops…

Send a breeze my way,
With a storm in tow,
With thunder demanding my love,
And lightning desperate to be heard,

A storm that will leave a rainbow behind,
And with love like the sycamore,
Brave and certain,
To be there, to shelter forever.

.......................................................

I suffer in silence as the world continues to turn and buzz with life.
The sun might continue to shine, but I will continue to be the empty vessel I am now.
Nothing could light up my dark days yet again to those days I could hear angels singing from above... my heart is a heavy lump of muscle,
pumping blood, blood coursing through my veins.
...
It once fed my soul with vibrant colours of joy,
Which have now vanished into nothingness...
Instead, now all it feeds my soul is pain, grief, and sorrow... when will it end?

.......................................................

... but let me dwell a little bit longer,
As the turmoil of emotions settle down to a tender hum...
The demons in my heart are still chanting war songs,
Urging me to fight for love

It is a long lonely journey...
And as I sit here in despair,
Fighting the demons to quite down,
Not letting a single tear escape my weary eyes,
I am desolated, dejected, and wretched...

.......................................................

It is our destiny,
To finally become one with the light once again.
It is there, but we cannot see it.
The mortal world is suffocating us...

We do not see where we are going.
The darkness so thick, we can almost feel it,
But if we struggle, we will only continue to drown.

.......................................................

You are the perfect angel for the imperfect me.
Save my world from collapsing,
Save my heart from shattering, my perfect angel...

Light

A composition written in 2001 by a dear friend (who also is a lamer cause he doesnt ever reply emails)...

Light,
by Timothy Lim

There is a light at the end of the tunnel,
A brilliant one.
I stretch out to grasp it,
Only then did I realize that my arms were not long enough.

I had to make the trip,
I had to make the effort,
A journey of miles begins in steps , they say.
It is not without pain when I realized as well, that the light was beginning to dim,
I would be trapped in darkness !!!

A darkness so thick that you can feel it,
But my soul is at peace.
There are more ways then one to get to the light,
I will be able to derive at one of them, I am sure of that.
Because I know that I was not born brilliant,
But I was not born without a mind either.

I quickly understand why I was brought into the world of man.
To conquer the darkness , to merge with light.
I understand that my every pitfall,
My every adventition,
Is merely a test of my integrity.

God is not at work behind those capasitators.
God is in the light.
God is the light.

I almost smile.
I see it clearly now.
I remember now.
If I remember clearly, I think there was once that I was one with the light .

It was pleasurable to my soul.
It's radiant glow encaptured me in almost a trance-like state.
It was only my hunger for worldly things that brought me to my current disposition.
Fragile human love.

The light...
Oh, I will cherish this moment of enlightenment for the rest of my life.

The light.
The path.
The lighted path.
The dimly lighted path.
Indeed it is my destiny...

Wishing for a bridge

A man was walking along the beach in California one day, thinking to himself and doing his best to sort out his life and pray for happiness. He stopped and looked up to the sky, looking for a sign of his faith, and said, "Oh Lord, if you are there... grant me one wish." Suddenly there was a crack of lightning in the sky and in a booming voice echoed from above, saying, "Man, you have done your best to be faithful, though you have not always succeeded. I will grant your prayer and offer you one wish."

The man looked out over the ocean, thought it over for a moment, and said, "I wish for you to build a bridge all the way to Hawaii, so I can drive over anytime I want to." The voice boomed, "Think of this would entail! The millions of tons of concrete and steel, the depths of the Pacific to build on... such a materialistic wish! I can certainly do it, as anything is in my power, but it would be better for your soul to put aside this desire for worldly things. Pray for a moment and think of another wish, a wish that would honor and glorify me." The man sat down on the sand and thought about it.

Finally he gazed upward and said, "Oh Lord, I have been married and divorced five times. I did not understand any of my wives, and every one said i was insensitive and ignorant..." "Lord," he continued. "My wish is to understand women, to know how they feel, what they think, why they laugh and cry, and how I can truly make them happy." The man looked up at the sky, awaiting his answer. There was a minute of absolute silence... then another... and another. Finally, the voice boomed, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?"

Birthday blues

I love birthdays, but sometimes I get really uncomfortable when mine comes along. It’s true! On one hand, I love going for birthday gatherings or even better, getting involved in it’s planning (please refer to blog entry "How we duped Jim"). It always leaves you with a sense of satisfaction when you know that you’ve had an effect on the life of a loved one in some way. It’s always a thrill to see the excitement and joy the person is experiencing through your efforts or even presents. Like they say, it’s good to give, but is it bad to receive?

I’ve always felt bad and possibly even guilt when receiving presents and such. Sometimes it makes me uncomfortable thinking about the amount that is spent on me. I’ve never been one who asks for much, but I’ve always believed that just by being there is more than enough as compared to giving something and not being there. Perhaps this is why I dislike my own birthdays. I’ve always felt dejected and perhaps disappointment during many of my birthdays as many of them were spent alone, without loved ones, or even simply forgotten. I’m not saying that my family forgot my birthdays though. They tried their best and they have been great. But having a dinner during the weekend with your family and slapping a cake at the end of it isn’t exactly a birthday celebration. I guess I expect too much from loved ones.

Someone once said to me about birthdays, “Don’t expect, hence you won’t be disappointed.” Is that what one should be doing? On one hand, you protect yourself. Conversely, are you depriving yourself of the excitement and the feeling of anticipation of something around the corner? You’d have to sit back and rethink… how much does your birthday actually mean to you? Do you brush it under the carpet and forget that you HAVE a birthday and go about your daily business or do you get out there and make the most of what you have?

Of course… my surprise birthday party last year was celebrated with a lot of happiness. It would be very difficult for me to forget my greatest birthday celebration ever and I owe it all to true friends. Surrounded by a group of friends during my birthday, especially ones whom I hold closest to my heart, was truly a blessing. It erases the pain or disappointment of the absence of loved ones. Sooner or later you forget and move on, but the memory of a great birthday is never forgotten. Little footsteps on my heart…

Nevertheless, Happy Birthday James…

Here.. take a better look...  

Check out the hair! IVDC 2005 

Drunk in London... you still can see the London eye... I couldn't have been THAT drunk...  

4 dungus in the middle of Duckett Road...  

gawd.. I look so fat..  

After 3 gruelling hours at Toni & Guy Academy, Lucy finally completed the cut... what do you think?  

Before I got my hair cut at the Toni & Guy Academy (8th March)... 

A tribute...

There are many great women in the world who have in their own ways, made a difference and no matter how minute their influence was, someone was touched by their deeds. Here is just one of these women who has graced the covers of world magazines, and has been photographed thousands of times. I feel that she should be noted because of various reasons.

Jacqueline Bourvier Kennedy Onassis

The First Lady of the USA between 1960-1963. She was a pioneer as a First Lady of the White House. She was a role model to all American women and was globally admired and 'respected as American royalty and a dynamic cultural symbol, graceful Jackie O. inspired, charmed, and shaped the world during the '60s as the young, dignified, style-setting wife of President John Kennedy.' One of her top priorities when she became the First Lady was the restoration of the White House. She believed it belonged to the people and should inspire them and make Americans proud of their heritage, and today, the White House is a symbol that represents all of America's ideals.

When the nation was grieving the loss of their president, she was the pillar of strength that held not only her family and friends, but for the nation as well. "Drawing on a wellspring of emotional resiliency, she taught the world to mourn." Through thick and thin, she performed her duty as the wife of a Senator and later, as the First Lady of the USA. Despite being married a second time to Aristotle Onassis, she requested she be burried beside JFK. She felt compelled that it was her duty as the wife of a former president of the USA. Right up till her dying day, she was an object of fascination.

She was quintessentially a private person. Poised and glamarous, but shy and aloof. What I admire most about her is her courage and her poise. How she carried herself in times of mourning is truly amazing. The strength which her silence exudes demands respect from all. This was a woman with a thousand values. She mesmerized not only a nation, but the world.

Me and Weiqi at SUDC 2005 on Sunday (27th February 2005)