"Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewellery." - Rita Rudner
"Have you noticed how anyone driving slower than you is an idiot and anyone driving faster than you is a maniac?" - George Carlin
"I've been on a calendar, but I've never been on time." - Marilyn Monroe
"You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy and the tallest guy in the National Basketball Association is Chinese." - Chris Rock
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