F**K!

I had my conference assessment yesterday at 9.40am which ended at about 10.15. It went really well I thought. I had covered about four fifths of my plan which is pretty good, and I thought I had been clear and concise with my explanations. I came out of the room feeling really good, partly cause I hate conference and it's probably my weakest oral assessment. Yesterday, I thought I had out-done myself in the assessment. Over the phone, friends could hear how pleased I was with how the assessment went.

After that, I came home to have lunch and I wanted to sleep. As of 12.50pm, I hadn’t slept for about 29 hours straight. I had been up the entire night working on my plan and had tried to read up more on the law and practiced a little too. And then came the call. It was the school office. They wanted me to go in again and retake the assessment. Apparently the video tape used to tape my assessment had snapped. *The assessment will be viewed by the examiners on tape and is not marked live* I was horrified!

Here I was, thinking I did really well and that I covered my bases in the assessment in the morning, and then they call me and tell me that I have to do that blasted assessment all over again!! That was not all; they wanted me to get into school ASAP! No time to rest, no time to absorb the shock, and absolutely no time to think! My mind was already quite numb by that time. I mean, I was physically AND mentally exhausted! I was shivering and I couldn’t really stay awake. I had a cup of coffee before I was out of the door again for the 40 minute journey to school. COMMON!!! If they had rescheduled it for another day, maybe I wouldn’t be complaining as much, but to do it again in such a short span and in my state of mind, it was completely unfair on my part. The office told me that it was either I do it today (Thursday 19th May 2005) or come back in a few months to do it.

I was all geared up to do it in the morning, thinking I could give it all I've got and then come home and rest. To do it again at 3.20 was absolutely horrible. I couldn’t focus on the facts or the information. I was not being specific in my explanations because I couldn’t grasp onto the details I needed. I was so confused and I couldn’t control what I was doing anymore... I was going too slowly because I couldn’t process everything my client said fast enough... I only got to the beginning of my explanation as to the plea when my time was up. That was just the halfway point of my plan!!! It was HORRIBLE!! I came out feeling like shit. I had done so well in the morning, and then they took that away from me! I was so tired at that time; I even SLEPT standing up in the tube on the way home! My knees buckled a couple of times. It was so embarrassing, but I was just exhausted and cause it was rush hour, there were no seats and loads of people were standing.

They said they'll take into account that we had to redo the assessment, but really, I don’t think that’s enough in my personal circumstances. I was not at all ready for the retake, and I was definitely not in the same state of mind. I was tired, completely stressed out, highly strung up, shaking like I was suffering from withdrawal symptoms, and I couldn't think anymore. This is so totally unfair!

FUCK!!!