Passages from my past...

Passages from my past which I am ready to share. Written a long time ago, and are very personal But now that that chapter has been shut tight, they can now be revealed.

Silently, a breeze blows over the meadow,
Unseen and relentless, it caresses the leaves on the sycamore,
Then the mighty wind brings the storm in tow,
Ready to pour its precious life, onto the barren earth.

The great tree with the rustling leaves,
Unyielding to the approaching storm,
Proudly displaying its grand demeanour,
With the symphony of nature, its leaves perform.

Love is like the tree,
Steadfast and sure,
Always there, as a pillar of strength,

...

Love is like the wind…
Invisible, but I know its there.
Bringing the storm, my tears may drop,
But life it gives, for truth it drops…

Send a breeze my way,
With a storm in tow,
With thunder demanding my love,
And lightning desperate to be heard,

A storm that will leave a rainbow behind,
And with love like the sycamore,
Brave and certain,
To be there, to shelter forever.

.......................................................

I suffer in silence as the world continues to turn and buzz with life.
The sun might continue to shine, but I will continue to be the empty vessel I am now.
Nothing could light up my dark days yet again to those days I could hear angels singing from above... my heart is a heavy lump of muscle,
pumping blood, blood coursing through my veins.
...
It once fed my soul with vibrant colours of joy,
Which have now vanished into nothingness...
Instead, now all it feeds my soul is pain, grief, and sorrow... when will it end?

.......................................................

... but let me dwell a little bit longer,
As the turmoil of emotions settle down to a tender hum...
The demons in my heart are still chanting war songs,
Urging me to fight for love

It is a long lonely journey...
And as I sit here in despair,
Fighting the demons to quite down,
Not letting a single tear escape my weary eyes,
I am desolated, dejected, and wretched...

.......................................................

It is our destiny,
To finally become one with the light once again.
It is there, but we cannot see it.
The mortal world is suffocating us...

We do not see where we are going.
The darkness so thick, we can almost feel it,
But if we struggle, we will only continue to drown.

.......................................................

You are the perfect angel for the imperfect me.
Save my world from collapsing,
Save my heart from shattering, my perfect angel...

Light

A composition written in 2001 by a dear friend (who also is a lamer cause he doesnt ever reply emails)...

Light,
by Timothy Lim

There is a light at the end of the tunnel,
A brilliant one.
I stretch out to grasp it,
Only then did I realize that my arms were not long enough.

I had to make the trip,
I had to make the effort,
A journey of miles begins in steps , they say.
It is not without pain when I realized as well, that the light was beginning to dim,
I would be trapped in darkness !!!

A darkness so thick that you can feel it,
But my soul is at peace.
There are more ways then one to get to the light,
I will be able to derive at one of them, I am sure of that.
Because I know that I was not born brilliant,
But I was not born without a mind either.

I quickly understand why I was brought into the world of man.
To conquer the darkness , to merge with light.
I understand that my every pitfall,
My every adventition,
Is merely a test of my integrity.

God is not at work behind those capasitators.
God is in the light.
God is the light.

I almost smile.
I see it clearly now.
I remember now.
If I remember clearly, I think there was once that I was one with the light .

It was pleasurable to my soul.
It's radiant glow encaptured me in almost a trance-like state.
It was only my hunger for worldly things that brought me to my current disposition.
Fragile human love.

The light...
Oh, I will cherish this moment of enlightenment for the rest of my life.

The light.
The path.
The lighted path.
The dimly lighted path.
Indeed it is my destiny...

Wishing for a bridge

A man was walking along the beach in California one day, thinking to himself and doing his best to sort out his life and pray for happiness. He stopped and looked up to the sky, looking for a sign of his faith, and said, "Oh Lord, if you are there... grant me one wish." Suddenly there was a crack of lightning in the sky and in a booming voice echoed from above, saying, "Man, you have done your best to be faithful, though you have not always succeeded. I will grant your prayer and offer you one wish."

The man looked out over the ocean, thought it over for a moment, and said, "I wish for you to build a bridge all the way to Hawaii, so I can drive over anytime I want to." The voice boomed, "Think of this would entail! The millions of tons of concrete and steel, the depths of the Pacific to build on... such a materialistic wish! I can certainly do it, as anything is in my power, but it would be better for your soul to put aside this desire for worldly things. Pray for a moment and think of another wish, a wish that would honor and glorify me." The man sat down on the sand and thought about it.

Finally he gazed upward and said, "Oh Lord, I have been married and divorced five times. I did not understand any of my wives, and every one said i was insensitive and ignorant..." "Lord," he continued. "My wish is to understand women, to know how they feel, what they think, why they laugh and cry, and how I can truly make them happy." The man looked up at the sky, awaiting his answer. There was a minute of absolute silence... then another... and another. Finally, the voice boomed, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?"

Birthday blues

I love birthdays, but sometimes I get really uncomfortable when mine comes along. It’s true! On one hand, I love going for birthday gatherings or even better, getting involved in it’s planning (please refer to blog entry "How we duped Jim"). It always leaves you with a sense of satisfaction when you know that you’ve had an effect on the life of a loved one in some way. It’s always a thrill to see the excitement and joy the person is experiencing through your efforts or even presents. Like they say, it’s good to give, but is it bad to receive?

I’ve always felt bad and possibly even guilt when receiving presents and such. Sometimes it makes me uncomfortable thinking about the amount that is spent on me. I’ve never been one who asks for much, but I’ve always believed that just by being there is more than enough as compared to giving something and not being there. Perhaps this is why I dislike my own birthdays. I’ve always felt dejected and perhaps disappointment during many of my birthdays as many of them were spent alone, without loved ones, or even simply forgotten. I’m not saying that my family forgot my birthdays though. They tried their best and they have been great. But having a dinner during the weekend with your family and slapping a cake at the end of it isn’t exactly a birthday celebration. I guess I expect too much from loved ones.

Someone once said to me about birthdays, “Don’t expect, hence you won’t be disappointed.” Is that what one should be doing? On one hand, you protect yourself. Conversely, are you depriving yourself of the excitement and the feeling of anticipation of something around the corner? You’d have to sit back and rethink… how much does your birthday actually mean to you? Do you brush it under the carpet and forget that you HAVE a birthday and go about your daily business or do you get out there and make the most of what you have?

Of course… my surprise birthday party last year was celebrated with a lot of happiness. It would be very difficult for me to forget my greatest birthday celebration ever and I owe it all to true friends. Surrounded by a group of friends during my birthday, especially ones whom I hold closest to my heart, was truly a blessing. It erases the pain or disappointment of the absence of loved ones. Sooner or later you forget and move on, but the memory of a great birthday is never forgotten. Little footsteps on my heart…

Nevertheless, Happy Birthday James…

Here.. take a better look...  

Check out the hair! IVDC 2005 

Drunk in London... you still can see the London eye... I couldn't have been THAT drunk...  

4 dungus in the middle of Duckett Road...  

gawd.. I look so fat..  

After 3 gruelling hours at Toni & Guy Academy, Lucy finally completed the cut... what do you think?  

Before I got my hair cut at the Toni & Guy Academy (8th March)... 

A tribute...

There are many great women in the world who have in their own ways, made a difference and no matter how minute their influence was, someone was touched by their deeds. Here is just one of these women who has graced the covers of world magazines, and has been photographed thousands of times. I feel that she should be noted because of various reasons.

Jacqueline Bourvier Kennedy Onassis

The First Lady of the USA between 1960-1963. She was a pioneer as a First Lady of the White House. She was a role model to all American women and was globally admired and 'respected as American royalty and a dynamic cultural symbol, graceful Jackie O. inspired, charmed, and shaped the world during the '60s as the young, dignified, style-setting wife of President John Kennedy.' One of her top priorities when she became the First Lady was the restoration of the White House. She believed it belonged to the people and should inspire them and make Americans proud of their heritage, and today, the White House is a symbol that represents all of America's ideals.

When the nation was grieving the loss of their president, she was the pillar of strength that held not only her family and friends, but for the nation as well. "Drawing on a wellspring of emotional resiliency, she taught the world to mourn." Through thick and thin, she performed her duty as the wife of a Senator and later, as the First Lady of the USA. Despite being married a second time to Aristotle Onassis, she requested she be burried beside JFK. She felt compelled that it was her duty as the wife of a former president of the USA. Right up till her dying day, she was an object of fascination.

She was quintessentially a private person. Poised and glamarous, but shy and aloof. What I admire most about her is her courage and her poise. How she carried herself in times of mourning is truly amazing. The strength which her silence exudes demands respect from all. This was a woman with a thousand values. She mesmerized not only a nation, but the world.

Me and Weiqi at SUDC 2005 on Sunday (27th February 2005) 

How we duped Jim...

Happy Birthday Jim! I'm glad your B'day turned out so brilliantly! Congratulations too! National International Law Mooting Champs!! Woo Hoo!! You deserve the win with whipped cream on top of it!

Anyway, it was Jim's Bday yesterday and I can’t resist not narrating the events of the evening when he arrived home. We were upstairs plotting his surprise 'party'. As most of you would have already guessed, being the devious creature I am, I was engineering the operation. It has become increasingly difficult to surprise the people at my place as everyone's had a surprise Bday party last year, so it's almost expected that everyone would get a surprise Bday party. Therefore, I felt we should do something more this time. I took the surprise one step further.

We had a cake and presents ready. We just needed to surprise him. He obviously had already guessed that we were up to something. Being in the jolly mood he was, he was quite gullible. I told him that the housemates have a cake for him and were waiting in the lounge for him, and I told him to "act surprised" when he entered for their sake. So I went into the lounge a couple of minutes before he came in. Ready with my camera on the other side of the room with the lights off, we waited for our victim to come in. When the door creaked open, our victim was taken off-guard completely. He didn’t know what hit him. The answer is EVERYONE! Each of us had whipped cream in our hands, and when he came in, everyone shouted SURPRISE and plastered him with cream!! At first I was too busy taking pics and he was in such a state of shock he couldn’t move... everyone had dispersed in different directions. So, I picked up the whipped cream I had prepared, and slowly just slapped it onto his face and ran. At that moment he came to life and it became a fun house. Everyone running everywhere... someone even ran out of the front door!! People screaming, people hiding... laughter filled the house.

I am glad it was truly an amazing Bday for Jim. Besides, it's so fun to ambush someone like that... However, now that I've set such a dangerous precedent in the house, I'm going to have to be VERY weary and careful when it comes to my bday...

One of my all time favourite pics... 

From this moment...

Before I began blogging, I swore never to be one of those people who'd put up lyrics on his/her blog... unfortunately, change is inevitable. Here is the lyrics to a song I felt moved by... especially the bits in bold... ladies and gentleman, "From This Moment" by Shania Twain;

I do swear…that I’ll always be there…
I’d give anything and everything and I will always care
Trough weakness and strength, happiness and sorrow,
For better for worse, I will love you
With every beat of my heart

From this moment…life has begun
From this moment…your are the one
Right beside you is where I belong
From this moment on
From this moment…I have been blessed
I live only for your happiness
And for your love I’d give my last breath
From this moment on

I give my hand to you with all my heart
Can’t wait to live my life with you can’t wait to start
You and I will never be apart
My dreams came true because of you

From this moment…as long as I live
I will love you…I promise you this
There is nothing…I wouldn’t give
From this moment on
Oh oh

You’re the reason I believe in love
And you’re the answer to my prayers from up above
All we need is just the two of us
My dreams…came true…because of you

From…this…moment as long as I live
I will love you, I promise you this
There is nothing I wouldn’t give
From this moment
I will love you as long as I live
From this moment on...

Spiderman

Once again I've managed to elude (or so I think) my work and instead let myself be distracted by Spiderman. I was watching Spiderman 2 while having my lunch and just got hooked somehow. It's amazing how you can learn so much from the movie though. I realised that these Marvel superheroes really do give us faith that there is good out there whom will fight for the good of man kind.

I thought there were a couple of parts that were very thought provoking. Of course, the ever so famous line from the first movie - "With great power comes great responsibility". Maaann... that line was heard being quoted all over the globe. Such a simple line, yet the depth it carries, most of us will never know. With great power, you have a choice to use it wisely or use your power for no good. Still, whatever power we may possess, whether it being supernatural or even the authority over others, there comes great responsibility to use that power for the greater good.

Intelligence is a gift to be used for the good of man kind. It is a privilege. Now... I wonder why I'm such a bum. Okay, that's self praise, but hey, I know I can be more than what I am... I'm just too freaking lazy! I know I'm intelligent enough, and if I actually tried, I could do much more than what I already am achieving. I think all of us should use out intelligence wisely. Just stop and ponder on what you can achieve. There is so much potential in every one of us, but are we utilising our talents to the max? Another thing is, we should use what we have to improve our lives and the lives of others... which brings me on to my next point.


Aunt May said “Heroes are courageous, self sacrificing people, setting examples for us... I believe there's a hero in all of us. That keeps us honest, gives us strength, makes us noble and finally allows us to die with pride; even though sometimes we have to be steady and give up the thing we want the most. Even our dreams... "

They're such simple words. But they speak a thousand more with each syllable reverberating when they escaped her lips. All of us have a hero within us. We can choose to believe in ourselves and do the right thing, or we could be crappy and miserable. It keeps us honest, gives us strength, makes us noble and finally allows us to die with pride... wow... in some ways it's overwhelming. We have that choice, and it is very comforting to know that we can be honest and noble. It is also encouraging to know that there is strength in all of us, giving us hope to hold on just that second longer that might make the difference. In the end, we can die in peace, and hopefully, people will remember us for who we were, and if not, we know we can leave with dignity and be proud of ourselves.

But along the way, as she said, we might have to be steady, and we might have to give up out dreams.... We were once taught to never give up our dreams... that we always had to fight for our dreams and overcome all obstacles to achieve them. But if we're too caught up with capturing our dreams, maybe... we might miss out on other opportunities. Opportunities that will enrich our souls, and fulfil our lives in other ways. Just a tiny example I was thinking of was a lawyer. It's his/her dream to make partner in his/her firm, and he/she will not let anything in his/her way. Not even his/her relationship. Maybe he/she's missing out on something bigger... something more important.

It’s clear that her words were very cleverly phrased. SOMETIMES is a very vague word, and with just that one word, again, our faith is restored in that we CAN achieve our dreams AND let the hero in us dictate our honesty. Something my dance teacher told me could come in handy here. She said, as a dancer, you should "balance, but not control". You can achieve all your dreams... balance what you have, but dont try to control everything. Using the example with the lawyer, balance your work commitments and those to your relationship. However, it might be unwise to control everything around you... you might suffocate your relationship or maybe not do enough at work. As in dancing, if you balance yourself, you might have to shape your body into something unexpected to achieve that balance, but whatever shape you take, it will always be beautiful. If you control, it'll look plain. So let go, and let yourself soar to greater heights!

All in all, everyone should watch Spiderman. It's truly amazing what these movies of capered superheroes can teach us. You never know! You might come out a better person!

Anak Krakatoa. You can see the remnant (the old volcano from 1883) of the original island in the background. Beautiful scenery.. yet such devastating circumstances...  

Krakatoa a few hours before the major explosions on 26th August 1883 

Echoes of Krakatoa

Everyone’s still talking about the earthquake and the Tsunami that killed thousands of people all over the world especially in Indonesia. It’s been nearly a month, and still the whole world is still in frenzy in sending aid to the affected. Everywhere, people are still talking about the effect of the Tsunami and how it has devastated lives of hundreds and thousands of people. Lots of documentaries are being aired and I was fortunate enough to caught one that was very interesting. It was about Krakatoa and what had happened more then a century ago.

In 1883, the island volcano of Krakatoa practically exploded with devastating fury, stunning the entire world and its destruction affected the world on a global scale atmospherically which lasted for several years. Only one third of the island was left as a remnant of the original island. The great eruption was equivalent to 200 megatons of TNT. In contrast, the Hiroshima atomic bomb was only about 20 kilotons!!

The island has a history of violent volcanic activity, but nothing prepared the world for the horror of its destruction. It was a ticking time bomb, and the study of volcanoes was only in its infancy. No one could have predicted the velocity and magnitude of it’s destruction with the knowledge that had been accumulated till then. No equipment or gizmos invented in that era could have alerted the people of the terror that was about to unfold. A similar eruption occurred in 416 AD. The volcano was formed by the subduction of the Indian-Australian Plate under the Eurasian Plate. Its eruption destroyed the volcano of Krakatoa. The remnants of this older volcano are just two small islands. Subsequently, 3 volcanoes combined to form the island of Krakatoa.

The eruption in 1883 had several effects which should be noted;
The explosions were heard on Rodriguez Island 4653km distant away across the Indian Ocean.
Tsunamis as high as 40 metres, devastating everything in it’s path and hurling ashore coral blocks weighing as much as 600 tons (one of which demolished a lighthouse)
In the immediate area, there was total darkness continued for 3 days.
Nearby islands were buried in thick layers of ash and plant and animal life did not begin to re-establish itself to any degree on these islands for nearly five years.
Ash fell on Singapore 840 km away and similar precipitation of ash occurred on ships as far as 6000km away.
Recording barographs documented the passage of the airwave, some as many as 7 times as the wave bounced back and forth between the eruption site and its antipodes for 5 days after the explosion.
Blue and green suns were observed as fine ash and aerosol, erupted possibly 50 km into the stratosphere and circled the equator in 13 days. Three months after the eruption these products had spread to higher latitudes causing vivid red sunset afterglows that could be seen in New York. Unusual sunsets all over the world continued for 3 years.
Rafts of floating pumice-locally thick enough to support men, trees, and biological passengers-crossed the Indian Ocean in 10 months. Others reached Melanesia, and were still afloat even two years after the eruption.


On the brighter side of things, the volcanic dust veil that created such spectacular atmospheric effects also acted as a solar radiation filter, lowering global temperatures as much as 1.2 degree C in the year after the eruption. Temperatures did not return to normal until 1888. It shakes you to the core to know that the Krakatoa eruption is not the largest in recorded history. In fact, in the fifteenth century in the Aegean Sea, Santorin’s explosion was six and one half times greater than that of Krakatoa.

Anak Krakatoa, or child of Krakatoa is and will keep growing in size. It is undoubted that some time in the future, perhaps in a few hundred years, a large explosion similar to the 1883 explosion is expected. It is only a question of time. Mother Nature is truly a powerful force that affects everyone, from the kings and emperors to the paupers and homeless everywhere on earth. Her power cannot be harnessed and she will not be tamed. She sure is one wild woman!!!

Taiping Lake Gardens with Maxwhell Hill in the background.  

Great picture innit? A fountain outside Trafalgar Square...  

The Silence of the Lambs... sending shivers down my spine... bbrrr...
 

Attracted to the flame like a moth...

Isnt it interesting how a flame can hold your attention. It's like being hypnotised when you stare hard enough into the flame. Your senses are mesmerized by the light and you cant seem to look away. For some reason, the picture on my computer had the same effect on me last night.. but then again, it was 4am and I was pretty tired. Still, it got me thinking, why are moths attracted to light? Some of them die a horrible death flying into flames. That's smart! But why are moths so stupid? I decided to research the topic a little bit (an excellent excuse to stop preparations for my assessment) and here are the results;

Not all moths are attracted to the light. Apparently, moths which are active in the day time are attracted to light whereas those at night are not too bothered about light. Therefore, SOME moths are attracted to light, and of those attracted to light, some of those moths are attracted to artificial light, and of those moths, some are attracted to different types of articial light. Light from the sun and from an artificial light have the same properties. Some are attracted to light, per se, but others are attracted by light that has short bandwidths like blue or violet light than they are those with longer bandwidths like yellow or red light, SOME insects prefer light that emits ultra-violet light.
Light is a way in which insects find food.Moths at night are probably seeking night blooming flowers that reflect ultra violet light or certain light colors from the moon. The moths recognize the reflected light as a food source. However, it is difficult for them to distinguish the light from a bulb from that of a plant. Alternatively, others may be active at night to avoid predators.

As we learned how to control fire, then moths had to deal with a new source of light. Moths that are attracted to artificial light may be on a disaster path. Bug zappers use light to kill insects, car lights attract insects, lights that attract insects bring them close to humans armed with insecticides. This is all disastrous to an insect... unless they want to commit suicide that is...

Hence, the moral of the entry is, not all moths are stupid. Only those attracted to light. I hear it's the same with frogs. If you want to catch a frog, shine your torch into it's eyes and it'll be mesmerized. Try to avoid the poisonous ones though...

look into the flame.. concentrate.. let your mind go....